Why I run.

I train, running on a regular basis, pushing myself as hard as I can whenever I can. I keep myself mindful of my body as much as I can. Why do I do this? I do this all so that I may keep myself in good enough shape so that on a few occasions throughout the year when time and planning permits I am capable of pushing myself so hard that my body will instictually keep going, and I will mentally transcend to a place that I think is beyond physical where I may attain a higher level of Zen.

Not sure if that makes sense. But it works for me.

It's why I run, for today at least.

June 11

Um, forgot to update this for a couple weeks after intending to write once a week. The week that ended two weeks ago, I biked one day and that was it. Between work, and doing other stuff I just didn't have time.

The last week I didn't run at all. But biked three times. I was getting quite the kick out of doing the hardest hill routes I could on my road bike.

This week I've already run 11 hours, for 85 kms. Would have been more, but the friend I went with on Friday was more into hiking than running, which is just fine. Probably for the best anyway as it made for an easy day. Well, easy for me, it;s interesting how sometimes non runners don't quite see how much long term training it takes to be comfortable running distances without getting tired, so they think they could do it like its nothing, and then they get exhausted so quickly.

Maybe I've had more energy the last week, or maybe its something else, but I'm finding that on roads and trails that I've run for the last few years here in town that I'm able to run them faster, and further without stopping. And they feel so much less difficult.

Two weeks and 1 day until I do a 50 mile trail race in kelowna, getting stoked for it. I think I'll do a 50 km run on monday or tuesday then go easy until the race. I really don't enjoy carrying a heavy bag during races, and I especially don't enjoy the feeling of having a sweaty shirt clinging to me from my bag while running, especially in the heat that will probably be happening during the race (will prob be around 30 degrees celsius) so I was thinking of not carrying a pack, just carrying a water bottle on a belt, one in each hand, and a fanny pack for gels, no shirt, and getting down with the sunscreen. Running withoutr a shirt is just so much more comfortable.

Yep.

Week ending may 22

Runs:

Monday May 16: 35 km Trail run in Ok Mtn Park; Wildhorse Canyon Trail to Commando Bay and Back.







Tues: Rest day
Wednesday: 15 km on the hilly section of the greenway.
Thursday, Friday: no running... silly life crap got in the way.
Saturday: 13 km on the Greenway hills.
Sunday: 10 km on the trails across from the EECO at Mission Creek.

I finally got my road bike ready to go for the summer. So now I have something I can do for exercise on days that I need to rest my running muscles. Too sweet.

84 days.

Super duper!

Week ending May 15

I didn't do as much running this past week as I had planned. I ended up working my second job on both my days off from my first job. Mondays I didn't run because I go from working late to working early. Then I didn't run on Wednesday as I was anticipating to run hard and long on my days off. But never ended up doing so.

Runs:

Tuesday May 10: 12 km on the hilly section of the greenway.
Friday May 13: 9 km on the hilly section of the greenway, was dark and didn't have it in me to do night running this day.
Saturday May 14: 16.5 km up and down Lost Lake Trail. Was very nice, lots of run-off water to drink and cool down in.

Today I bought a new pair of running shoes.



They aren't exactly the same as my previous pair, the store I go to didn't have them. So I ended up with these. I finally found some new (to me) running shorts that were within my price range. I'm fully willing to pay 150 dollars for shoes, but 45 dollars for one article of clothing is beyond me. So I got some old school umbro shorts. No more running with board shorts that hang too low. I gotta go back to the store tomorrow to donate some of my old shoes . . . I knew there was a reason I was keeping them around.

77 days.

A couple months ago I heard someone say "Will the words you are about to speak improve upon the current silence?" And because of this I find myself being so much more mindful of what I say, and the results are definitely positive. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, we should be listening more than we speak.

I`m pretty sure I will actually be able to get the time off work for the 50 mile race on June 26. So stoked!

Keep running.

Nazzer

Week Ending May 8

Runs:

Monday, Tuesday: No running, tired from work. Sunday pulles a 13 hours shift so needed to rest.
Wednesday: Had time, and energy to run, but rested for the next day.
Thursday: 47 km of trails in Okanagan Mountain Park. I ran the 2011 Scorched Sole 50 km course backwards. It took me 8 hours. I left with a weather report of rain all day. The first but was rain, fantastic weather. I hit snow at 1250 m elevation, which lasted to the summit, and then down to 1300 m on the other side. It took 3 hours to trudge through 8 km of snow that was knee deep to waist deep. Very tough stuff for a while. Great run though, challenging downhills. I did a 20 km section of the trail that Ì`ve never been on before. So other than two trails that go down to the lake I`ve been on every trail in that park now. Sun came out for the last half, no hat... sunburn. Ouch.
Friday: 9 km easy paced run on flat roads and trails. Legs were a bit stiff.
Saturday: 8 km on the end of teh greenway, to the top of the second stairs and back. Could have gone longer, but I wasn`t sure I would make it back before they locked the parking lot.
Sunday: 9 km on the Lost lake Trail in Myra Bellevue Park. Beautiful suntanning weather for the second time this week.

In total I ran 72 km this week. which is the most I`ve run in one week since february. Next week I`ll probably run at least 5 days, and will prob do at least 80 km. It`s amazing how easy it is to run further when I don`t pull 13 hour days at two different jobs, it`s fantastic.

Week Ending May 1

I only ran once this last week. It was 12 km on some hilly and stairy trails for just over an hour. Had other things occupying me during midweek, meetings and such. Then the weekend was spent visiting people, and Sunday was a super not fun 13 hour work day.

This week coming up I only work 5 days, which is sweet. So I will have time to do some running on my days off, and hopefully will be energetic to do some more on my other days as well. Going from running during the school year to running while working again is rough somtimes, those of you who have the energy are amazing.

Overheard at work during some awards get together for some organization: "In this business, if you're not going hard and fast you're going to get passed" Haha, I found it so funny, there were many other cliche phrases I overheard from that group but forgot.

To April 24

So I've decided to do a weekly summary blog. I've been finding that the days are rolling into one right now, and if I force myself to take time to look back on my weeks and reflect perhaps I will better remember things and learn.

I can't remember what I did in terms of exercise for the beginning of the last week.

I finished school for the semester at some point in the last week; the semester was underwhelming. My asthma issues that had bothered me from mid March to early April are gone for another year, until next spring.

57 days.

Friday, April 22: Ran 7.25 km at the Angel Springs Trail that starts a km up Little White FSR. There was still snow on half the trail!!!!!!

Saturday, April 23: Ran 11.75 km at the hilly and stairy section of the Greenway. Very nice.

Both were very tired runs. Somehow I've gotten to where as soon as regular classes ended at school I went straight into working 50 hour weeks between the two jobs. Didn't run Thursday as I worked 14 hours the day before and was tired, no run on Sunday as went straight from work somewhere.

Super Duper!

Hardly thinking about running.

On Sunday I will have been alcohol free for 28 days consecutively. Other than the first 14 years of my life this will be the second longest time I have gone without touching alcohol. On Sunday, I will run in a half marathon here in town. I've hardly put any thought into the coming race the last few weeks, and I think that's a good thing overall.

Two and a half weeks ago I went to a massage therapist appointment at school. I had hurt my ankle a couple months ago, and re-aggrivated it once since (both due to drinking and didn't even know how it had happened) and decided I should see what could be done about it. Well, the short answer from the, was that I had gotten myself an inversion ankle sprain and that I shouldln't do any impactful exercise until it doesn't hurt at all anymore. So I actually listened to them, also I got sick on the weekend and I will end up going into the half marathon having not run for 15 days. I have done some walking around, and that's it. I will do some stretching and yoga Friday and Saturday and that's it.

An interesting thing has happened since I stopped drinking; my left eye twitches. Out of nowhere it just starts twitching. It's the strangest thing.

I still think I can beat my last years time at the same race of 1:42:30 (it's my PB) comfortably. This will be my fifth year in a row running this race.

2007: 1:50:49
2008: 2:23:14
2009: 2:12:59
2010: 1:42:30
2011: less than 1:35 (asthma issues willing)

I've been doing lots of meditating about things lately and I think I may have come to the unfortunate decision of not participating in what was my main goal race of the coming year. I've just been hired at a new job (I start first weekend of April) I hope to move to a new apartment soon (will be my first time living without a girlfriend or a roomate in 13 years) and I'm excited about these things. The job is something I want to commit to and want to be able to say to them that I can commit for all that they need me for. And also, moving will cost money and I will be upping my expenses on a monthly basis. Thinking about a major multi day race; it will cost me 5-7 days lost wages, cost to stay somewhere for at least a day or two for the race, at least 2 tanks of gas, food and supplies for the race, food for while I'm away. I think it will cost a fair chunk of money, so alas, that whole money thing might get in the way. But also, I'm going to AA meetings at least 5 times a week and I like that, and right now I want to make that more of a priority than I want to make running. Yes I enjoy running, I will continue to do it, but looking at it I have used it as a crutch in dealing with life in general. I run from my problems by running longer and harder when I don't want to actually deal with things. I need to take a step back in my running, take a step up in my actually dealing with things, and find a better balance. I'm sure if I get the urge to run longer than 50 km I can do it here in town on the awesome trails I live by, and just use my car as an aid station. And I can just do local races where all I have to do is book the one day off work.

Oh yeah. Ran in a 5 km race in the Peach City at the beginning of March. 20:19! Almost beat 20 minutes. Was pretty close. I decided to wear my trail shoes that day because I wear them 9 out of 10 runs so I figured why not wear the shoe I'm most comfortable in, got a couple weird comments, but I felt good in them. Will wear them again on Sunday for the half. The first and last km's are along the lakeshore. I forgot how running right next to the lake makes my asthma feel strange, and maybe my constant running in the mountains in kelowna has made me even more not used to running by the lake. Felt like I didn't quite have all the air I wanted. This was only the second time I've done a 5 k race, and really the only one I've done where I felt like I was in good shape, so I probably could have planned the more strategically next time, but still super duper stoked about how I did. I placed 20th which was pretty neat, best finish ever in a road race for me.

Yep.

Focusing, goals.

I'm still good on the most important goals of the year (drug free, and working well towards the scorched sole and the fat dog). And I guess I now have a new alcohol related goal.

The fat dog race released their race schedule with all the details for the race and such on their website.

http://www.mountainmadness.ca/documents/Fat_Dog_100_Race_Guide.pdf

This will be my focus, and will be what I immerse myself in during my moments of uncertainty in other things in life. 195 kms. I will run it in under 36 hours.

Dependancies

So I was doing some reading and I thought I would post some 'journal' type posts that I had read.

Written on the wall of an abandoned home in my neighborhood, was the following little blurb: Whoever she was, she was certainly in a bit of a predicament. She writes…

There comes a time in life when one carefully examines all of the most monumental snapshots the mind saves. Like the first time you felt a puppy’s fur, the Scooby-doo birthday cake you had in 4th grade, the way it felt when piercing heat flushed your cheeks because C.E. snapped your bra, getting a driver’s license (their mistake), getting accepted into college, etc. Whether it’s to reaffirm your place in the world now, to understand where you’ve come from, or to satisfy the mood to reminisce- it happens to all of us for a purpose. This is where I’ve been for the past three weeks, and it’s been a strange place. And perhaps a bit different than all of the aforementioned reasons for picking apart the contents of the mind, I am looking for something lost. Because surely, I’m missing something. How the fuck I ended up to be a person that needs to be dizzy laden with drugs or alcohol in order to carry out a normal day is a bit of a mystery, and I’m a smart girl. I’m a smart girl who likes mysteries, and so here I am. Searching. Most ridiculously, however, is that what I’m searching for doesn’t exist. And that’s because I’m searching for a better way to understand, and maybe there is no “better” way. Maybe it is what it is, and like this fucking beer, maybe I just need to suck it up and swallow.

Journal excerpt

2/1/96

When glass drops from slippery fingers, it has a tendency to shatter. Both frantically and with precision, you take great caution into picking up the pieces because they are ever so small, sharp and quite difficult to see. Many times the broken glass (vase, gravy boat, etc.) becomes a distant memory until the day you find yourself rushing to a relentlessly ringing phone only to be abruptly stopped by the sudden sensation of piercing hot pain biting at the bottom of your foot. At that moment, the mind flashes you a quick picture of the glass before it had fallen, as if to say “Wait! Remember?! THIS is the culprit.” And then you understand the series of events that brought you to this pain, and then you react. At this moment—this very weary, bitter Monday morning, I am waiting for my mind’s eye to flash me a picture of what brought me to this pain so that I can react. And my reaction would be great, and fierce and unforgiving. This reckoning would serve as a release, and I’d be swept up in a whirlwind of wellness- physical, mental and spiritual wellness that would carry me into another reality where I can find comfort, courage, sanity (my god, bring me sanity) on a semi-daily basis without abusing some form of substance; because I should be able to live a fulfilling life without needing to feel numb or electric. I insist that this reckoning is necessary, and yet I know, I know, I know that it isn’t- or that it has already happened. I don’t know. Everything contradicts everything else, and I am part of that equation. I have drifted out to an oily sea and the only thing consistently reminding me that this will get better is a stranger in some part of the world whose name I don’t know. And I’m worse than he knows, and I’m worse than I know. Leaving behind the little spheres of man-made productivity hasn’t been that bad, but the realization of a bigger problem has caused my core to shake. To fucking shake, like fingers holding cigarettes in the winter.

Girl's journal entry:

2.15.99

She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to greet such surprising comfort, but nobody was there. Swirling, taunting thoughts colored her mind with possibilities- none of which seemed to be the proposed outcome of this most peculiar situation. Was anybody ever really there in the first place, or was it the familiar kiss of hope that more frequently than anything else just rings the doorbell and then runs? For the most part, I’m thinking that nobody was there. Words fill empty spaces and as they linger they allow people to find grace and comfort in things that are in fact, not really things at all. Just ideas, or intentions. Like, I intend to get clean- but I don’t.

interesting stuff...

Titles are boring.

It's reading break at school, and I was out in the morning and it was the most gorgeous "tease you with it almost being spring" day so I just couldn't resist the urge to go for a run.... for six and a half hours. I went to Okanagan Mountain Park and decided to take the Wildhorse Canyon Trail. I had crazy notions of possibly making it all the way to a trail on the other side of the mountain which I could take to the top. Turns out My sense of distance on the trail maps was quite wrong. At one point I got lost just because I thought I was halfway further down the trail than I thought I was.


My excitement at the beauty of the weather in the bottom of the valley served me well in being naive about what the weather would be like in the mountains. I was greeted with sheeted ice, heavy thick snow (that kind that feels like it had melted earlier, but then froze again so it's rock hard stepping through it and even harder stepping back out of it), and lots of puddles! Huge puddles that I should have just run straight through because my feet were soaked at the end of the run anyway, but instead I chose to try and avoid that so I spent lots of time bivouacing through heavy fallen trees to avoid the unavoidable wet feet.

I wish I had come up here a month ago, with ice skates. Lots of small ponds perfect for hockey.

I'm not a very good photographer, or own a very good camera so I don't think I do the scenery justice. But sometimes running in the mountains where I live makes me feel like this is God's country.

I wish I owned a chainsaw, so many burnt trees are fallen down that need to get moved.

The trail down to the lake had five massive trees that had fallen down, and the side trail was only about 800 metres long. I had to do some fancy balance beam action over fallen trees that were ten feet off the ground to get through.

But it sure does look nice once you get there. This is Buchan Bay, only accessible through trails in the park which will take the average person hiking at least 2 hours, or by boat.

The peak on the left has a trail that goes up it. Haven't been there yet, but I'm pretty sure once I get there I will be able to see to Kelowna and all the way south to at least Summerland. I'll probably go there Saturday.

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In this section of the Canyon I came across a deer leg that had been eaten. Seeing that makes for an interesting dichotomy between the beauty of the nature, and the reminder of the lingering savageness that lurks in the mountains.

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I didn't even get as far as 40 km running, but it sure was fun and felt like a lot of work. I was a little sore by the end, I don't think I had enough fluids and food for more than five and a half hours. I expected to be really sore the next morning. But I managed to pound out a solid 6 km in 28 minutes today. I intended on doing a timed mile on the track at the stadium, but my garmin died one lap in and I couldn't find my stopwatch, but it felt like a 6:00ish. I was so stoked that I was on the mountain moving for that long one day, and still felt good enough to run the next day even if it was a short run. I guess that means I need to run harder on the mountain next time.

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During my long run I watched the sunset, and the moon come up...

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Maybe Friday I will try and time a run to watch the sun come up.

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You should definitely try and find the time to watch the sunrise, sunset, and moon rise at least once every couple months, just like going for a run, it's never something you regret after.

Sunday thoughts

Today I ran a 10 km road race for the first time in 15 months. I'd only ever participated in two other 10 km road races, the one I did my previous personal best in and the same race I was in today, and that was two years ago.

Previous personal best: 56:43
Two years ago in this same race: 57:04
Today: 43:11 (edit: race results list my time as 43:14)

13:32 faster than my previous best. Granted, I haven't made any attempt at beating my best in a timed event since then. I've run a lot since then, so it's pretty interesting to see that time. I mean I knew I would get around that, and in the summer I was regularly doing easy paced 45 min ten k runs. I might do another ten k before the longer races start up in the summer, maybe then I can have a race where I wasn't sick for a couple days the week before, and spent 12 hours driving the day before the race. I was pretty exhausted today, didn't feel like I was able to dig down to get all that I could have gave. But, still I'm pretty darn stoked to see hard numbers showing that I'm in much better shape than I was in 2007-2009.

I ran a 5:23 mile on the treadmill while running at the school gym the other day. It almosy feels like a lie to say that though, because it's the treadmill. I feel like I could go so much faster in a 1 mile distance on the treadmill, but it takes at least 30 seconds to get the machine up to 10 miles an hour. Let alone a pace I want to run at when I'm trying to push the limit. Just for no particular reason I want to see if I can get my treadmill one mile time down to 5:00. Then when the snow and ice finally melts I'll hit the track at the Apple Bowl and see if I can do a sub 6:00 mile outside.

Random thought...

Often when I talk to people after races they seem so dejected about their result, no matter how awesome it was. It often feels like people aren't able to appreciate their results in a race, or even in life in general, unless they achieve their main target goal. This is such a sad thing. My only guess is by fixating on one specific goal they lose sight of all other possible good achievements they could be creating.

Ugh, swollen ankle.

I believe the snow covered mountain top is Little White Mountain, as seen from Okanagan Mountain Park.

In January I ran 22 times, and biked 6 times for a total of 228 km running and 45 km biking. I did lots of short runs, but had time to get in some nice long runs. Spent a few afternoons in Myra Bellevue Park running scared as I follow cougar tracks.

But it turns out there are just as many cougars around in Okanagan Mountain Park. I ran to the top of Okanagan Mountain Park for the first time, went all the way up to Divide Lake. I had always thought it would take longer, I'll probably start running it more often once the snow goes away. The climb up the main trail is 10 km long, with an elevation gain of 1200 metres.

Once you get to the top of the mountain you are greeted with a view of Penticton. Absolutely wonderful.

On top of the trail sign near Divide Lake.

After jumping off the sign, I thought I would get a wicked sweet fall into a 3 ft deep snow... apparently the snow was super hard packed.... it hurt.

I was pretty excited for the amount I ran this month, I had wanted to run more total miles, while doing shorter long runs which I did. And injury free too, everything had felt great.

Until I walked home from the pub last night, and woke up with my left ankle swollen and hurting to put weight on it. And I don't even remember how this could have possibly happened last night.

Ugh.

Goal evaluation: 19 days in.

Goals one and two are going strong still...




Goals three and four are definitely seeming like they are attainable. Have been only doing one or two long runs per week since school started again. None of my long runs have been on anything other than snow, which is just so much fun to run on. I really think that the snow running is helping me maintain a better form, with a higher knee lift and a longer more aware stride. And I feel as though my pacing is better having to force myself to run up hills slower while running in the snow.






The scorched sole location has been changed from the Myra Bellevue Park to the Okanagan Mountain Park. It should make for an interesting change, I have run the trails in Myra Bellevue Park so I felt like no matter what route they made there for 50 miles I would have run the trails before at some point so it's nice that it will change. Having said that I can't think of how they will make 50 miles of route in Okanagan Mountain Park, I guess we'll be running on the old Kettle Valley Railway bed, it's nice and all but it's so flat.



Here's a picture of the view from Okanagan Mountain Park







The goal of running every day already failed. School got in the way of that one, and school definitely trumpss running when it comes down to it.
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I was reading a blog and thought I would share some words that inspired me
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"sometimes we get stuck in other peoples perception of ourselves. we act a certain way because that is how we believe other people see us and how we believe others want us to act.

sometimes we also get stuck in our own perceptions of ourselves. we cease to move forward because we become rooted to the only 'us' we have ever known, the one who is still trying to achieve their goals. still trying is great, but that's exactly all it is"

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It really made me think about why we do things as individuals. My thoughts led me to no particularly useful thoughts, but I did some meditating on it. The part about ceasing to move forward made me think about the way I took Robert Pirsig to mean when he talked about 'static' vs. 'dynamic' quality in our lives.
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When we run, or do anything else that is physically challenging, are we really doing anything other than trying to find our way to a new 'dynamic' form in ourself, and hoping that transition comes through some sort of transcendental moment which we think can only be achieved through breaking through some wall, or from achieving a certain 'high'.
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Run!?!
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Nazzer