Am I doing everything I'm supposed to? Am I being who I'm supposed to be? How should I even know?
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The above was a draft that was meant to inspire me awhile ago.
Monday, January 21, 2019
Saturday, December 31, 2016
2016 Year End, 2017 Goals
Well. 2016 has passed and I am not entirely sure if I even achieved any of my goals I had set out for myself. That doesnt necesarily mean it was a bad year, just indicative of how little I follow up with goals. It was a fairly carefree year in terms of giving a shit.
I stopped tracking my running stats sometime between at the end of June. Previously I had been recording my exercise stats on a spreadsheet I maintained since 2009. Distance, elevation gain, time, etc. And now nothing. I still wore my gps watch most of the time and so I would upload my runs to strava but that wasnt consistent. I found a new app to put on my phone that has mapping and gps capability which was helpful to prevent myself from getting lost. Well, except for the time early in the year where I got really lost which wasnt so good.
I hurt my ankle in June, I think maybe at a 50 mile race I ran. I then continued to run in pain until mid December. I had another race just 3 weeks later that I thought I could test it at but that turned out painful and then I was only 3 weeks away from pacing duties so I kept going. And then I was only 4 weeks from my own long race so I kept pushing but then that went like crap because my ankle was hurt. And then I got laid off and the temporary work I found involved running deliveries all day so that didnt help my ankle. Finally in December I stopped running so I could rest my ankle. I had this absurd notion to run for 24 hours on the 30 or 31 of December just to celebrate 7 years of being drug free, I felt it would be some sort of special polar opposite from what I was doing 7 years ago. But instead I continued to appropriately rest my ankle.
I have successfully not signed up for any races next year. I intend on racing less for both running joy reasons and for financial reasons. It has taken a long time, but I think I have finally realised there is no specific joy in participating in a race, I prefer to just be in the mountains on my own. I have goals for next year in terms of places I want to run and fitness goals. Peaks, traverses, crossings, ridgelines and summits are far more exciting than races I think.
I have other rather boring non running related goals as well.
The highlight of the year in terms of racing was pacing for someone else at one of their long races. I hope I was helpful and it left me feeling inspired.
This is probably one of the least thoughtful year in review posts I have ever written. I wonder how long until I let this whole idea of blogging whither away to nothing. I made a feeble attempt at turning running into something that was athleticly driven earlier in the year. perhaps that failed due to injury. Racing used to always be the driving factor to motivate me to better myself as a person. And all that I needed to do to better myself for running also bettered myself as a person. I used training for races as a vehicle to better myself as a person. I no longer need that vehicle because that journey is done, I am a better person. I have quelled the demons (well mostly, nobodies perfect). So if I no longer need to use training for races as a way to better myself, then I seem to have lost my motivation to train for races. So I think I might just stick to running to wonderful places in the mountains.
I stopped tracking my running stats sometime between at the end of June. Previously I had been recording my exercise stats on a spreadsheet I maintained since 2009. Distance, elevation gain, time, etc. And now nothing. I still wore my gps watch most of the time and so I would upload my runs to strava but that wasnt consistent. I found a new app to put on my phone that has mapping and gps capability which was helpful to prevent myself from getting lost. Well, except for the time early in the year where I got really lost which wasnt so good.
I hurt my ankle in June, I think maybe at a 50 mile race I ran. I then continued to run in pain until mid December. I had another race just 3 weeks later that I thought I could test it at but that turned out painful and then I was only 3 weeks away from pacing duties so I kept going. And then I was only 4 weeks from my own long race so I kept pushing but then that went like crap because my ankle was hurt. And then I got laid off and the temporary work I found involved running deliveries all day so that didnt help my ankle. Finally in December I stopped running so I could rest my ankle. I had this absurd notion to run for 24 hours on the 30 or 31 of December just to celebrate 7 years of being drug free, I felt it would be some sort of special polar opposite from what I was doing 7 years ago. But instead I continued to appropriately rest my ankle.
I have successfully not signed up for any races next year. I intend on racing less for both running joy reasons and for financial reasons. It has taken a long time, but I think I have finally realised there is no specific joy in participating in a race, I prefer to just be in the mountains on my own. I have goals for next year in terms of places I want to run and fitness goals. Peaks, traverses, crossings, ridgelines and summits are far more exciting than races I think.
I have other rather boring non running related goals as well.
The highlight of the year in terms of racing was pacing for someone else at one of their long races. I hope I was helpful and it left me feeling inspired.
This is probably one of the least thoughtful year in review posts I have ever written. I wonder how long until I let this whole idea of blogging whither away to nothing. I made a feeble attempt at turning running into something that was athleticly driven earlier in the year. perhaps that failed due to injury. Racing used to always be the driving factor to motivate me to better myself as a person. And all that I needed to do to better myself for running also bettered myself as a person. I used training for races as a vehicle to better myself as a person. I no longer need that vehicle because that journey is done, I am a better person. I have quelled the demons (well mostly, nobodies perfect). So if I no longer need to use training for races as a way to better myself, then I seem to have lost my motivation to train for races. So I think I might just stick to running to wonderful places in the mountains.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Some words
I failed at keeping a daily journal, that didn't last long. Whoops. Ha.
The last couple years I have had a lot of trouble with being motivated to stick with a consistent training plan. I've taken at least two months off during the winter the last two winters and when I am running I have trouble maintaining a consistent running program for more than six weeks without needing to take a really easy week off. On one hand, I want to run races and train hard to succeed, but on the other hand I want to be lazy and not plan - while at the same time doing fun destination type long runs.
When I started running long, the clear purpose was to distract my self from addictions. It defined me. I needed it to define me so I could no longer be defined as I previously was defined - drugs, alcohol, blah blah blah - that defined me and I used running to try and change the definition. I obsessed over it and I used it to drive myself forward. My desire to finish long races became synonymous with my journey at changing how I negatively defined myself. If I succeeded at races, I succeeded at no longer feeling like I should be defined the same way I used to.
Great. I don't do drugs anymore. In fact, it's been six years, five months and 31 days since the last time I did. It isn't the lack of doing them that is the success, but the complete lack of desire to do them that feels the success. I no longer consider myself to have an alcohol problem, sure I occasionally still have a beer or two, but it's ok, it doesn't control and all is well with all that. I might even consider myself a semi decent human being. Yay for life changes.
The problem with being a better person, and no longer doing the things I wanted to stop doing, is that it negatively affects my drive to do ridiculously long runs. If my purpose to training to run long was to prove that once I could run long it would prove that I was no longer the awful human being I used to be. I would use this drive to push myself so hard that I felt like I could do anything; I was able to push myself so hard because it was so important to succeed I would push through anything. I would draw on my previous experiences to push through the difficult training I would push myself through, "If I could live through all the stupid things I use to do to myself, then I can do this".
But now I feel like I no longer can use the 'changing myself' as motivation anymore because I no longer need to change myself, I have changed myself. And the mantra 'I can do this because I've put myself through worse', it no longer feels valid. I no longer feel connected to that person anymore, I am no longer able to draw strength from my mistake riddled past. It's no longer me, just a person I used to be.
The thing that I used to use to motivate me is gone, and the way that I used to convince myself I could do anything no longer feels valid. So what do I do?
It hasn't happened often, but there has been an occasion during a race or a run that has made me feel so great because it felt like I was so well prepared there was no way I would fail. I think you can only be successful if you work hard to get there. Right now I don't feel I have the mental tools required to achieve the goals I want if I were to try and continue to train the same way I have always trained. I will not get where I want to go if I keep trying to get there with a method that is so obviously no longer working.
I still don't know where I want to take my life, but as long as I wander down a non-negative path that's fine. Until then, I want to try and figure out how to be a good runner without using negative motivation.
One of the ideas behind AA is that in order to get better you need to stop allowing yourself to lead your own life. Obviously if you choose to continue to direct your own life you will continue to make mistakes and you will never get what you want. Only once you admit you are powerless and your life has become unmanageable you hand control over your life over to a higher power will you have a spiritual awakening. I only bothered with AA for a few months (they have some bad science), but this idea is transferable. If you can not manage it yourself, then refer to a higher power. So I will hand over the reigns of planning my training to someone else, and all I will have to think about is putting on my shoes and getting out there and doing it. Trying to work towards getting a few good race results while not using negative emotions as a training motivation. Should be something. I can't believe I just compared having someone make a training plan to AA....
The last couple years I have had a lot of trouble with being motivated to stick with a consistent training plan. I've taken at least two months off during the winter the last two winters and when I am running I have trouble maintaining a consistent running program for more than six weeks without needing to take a really easy week off. On one hand, I want to run races and train hard to succeed, but on the other hand I want to be lazy and not plan - while at the same time doing fun destination type long runs.
When I started running long, the clear purpose was to distract my self from addictions. It defined me. I needed it to define me so I could no longer be defined as I previously was defined - drugs, alcohol, blah blah blah - that defined me and I used running to try and change the definition. I obsessed over it and I used it to drive myself forward. My desire to finish long races became synonymous with my journey at changing how I negatively defined myself. If I succeeded at races, I succeeded at no longer feeling like I should be defined the same way I used to.
Great. I don't do drugs anymore. In fact, it's been six years, five months and 31 days since the last time I did. It isn't the lack of doing them that is the success, but the complete lack of desire to do them that feels the success. I no longer consider myself to have an alcohol problem, sure I occasionally still have a beer or two, but it's ok, it doesn't control and all is well with all that. I might even consider myself a semi decent human being. Yay for life changes.
The problem with being a better person, and no longer doing the things I wanted to stop doing, is that it negatively affects my drive to do ridiculously long runs. If my purpose to training to run long was to prove that once I could run long it would prove that I was no longer the awful human being I used to be. I would use this drive to push myself so hard that I felt like I could do anything; I was able to push myself so hard because it was so important to succeed I would push through anything. I would draw on my previous experiences to push through the difficult training I would push myself through, "If I could live through all the stupid things I use to do to myself, then I can do this".
But now I feel like I no longer can use the 'changing myself' as motivation anymore because I no longer need to change myself, I have changed myself. And the mantra 'I can do this because I've put myself through worse', it no longer feels valid. I no longer feel connected to that person anymore, I am no longer able to draw strength from my mistake riddled past. It's no longer me, just a person I used to be.
The thing that I used to use to motivate me is gone, and the way that I used to convince myself I could do anything no longer feels valid. So what do I do?
It hasn't happened often, but there has been an occasion during a race or a run that has made me feel so great because it felt like I was so well prepared there was no way I would fail. I think you can only be successful if you work hard to get there. Right now I don't feel I have the mental tools required to achieve the goals I want if I were to try and continue to train the same way I have always trained. I will not get where I want to go if I keep trying to get there with a method that is so obviously no longer working.
I still don't know where I want to take my life, but as long as I wander down a non-negative path that's fine. Until then, I want to try and figure out how to be a good runner without using negative motivation.
One of the ideas behind AA is that in order to get better you need to stop allowing yourself to lead your own life. Obviously if you choose to continue to direct your own life you will continue to make mistakes and you will never get what you want. Only once you admit you are powerless and your life has become unmanageable you hand control over your life over to a higher power will you have a spiritual awakening. I only bothered with AA for a few months (they have some bad science), but this idea is transferable. If you can not manage it yourself, then refer to a higher power. So I will hand over the reigns of planning my training to someone else, and all I will have to think about is putting on my shoes and getting out there and doing it. Trying to work towards getting a few good race results while not using negative emotions as a training motivation. Should be something. I can't believe I just compared having someone make a training plan to AA....
Monday, February 1, 2016
2016: Day 31
I was sick last weekend, so that was lame. It was intended to be a heavy volume weekend, unfortunately couldn't just load up this weekend as my mom was visiting for the weekend. So, rest week it is. Next weekend is a holiday long weekend, so I've been daydreaming at work about long run plans. Who doesn't day dream about where you're going to run on the weekend? It's starting to stay light out, on Wednesday night my run was only half in the dark, so nice.
I played hockey twice this week. It's really hard to get going the next morning after hockey, especially when I run after hockey as well. Winding down and getting to bed is hard sometimes.
This January was my second lowest January in terms of mileage in the last six years, but the first time in four years my mileage for January wasn't less than the last year. Even though I didn't run much this month, I am ok with that. My goals throughout the month was just easy running. I had hurt something in my right ankle mid December either running or at hockey and that seems to have gone away. So it's been a nice gentle start to the year. I stuck to running roads with very little elevation gain on purpose for the month.
February I plan on running a long run of between 50 km and 50 miles on the roads on Sunday coming up, the monday after is a holiday so if there is still very little snow I was planning on bushwacking through the sage brush in the hills by my house to mt mara, a very nice lookout point. Beyond that specific weekend plan the rest of February will be a slow restrained build on time/volume/elevation gain. Plan on tagging the radio towers near my house on daily runs, which is either a 200 or 500 metre elevation gain run, Aiming for around 250-300 kms in around 35-45 hours, and maybe around 2,000 metres elevation gain per week or so. I only have hockey three time in February, so that shouldn't interfere with running too much.
I played hockey twice this week. It's really hard to get going the next morning after hockey, especially when I run after hockey as well. Winding down and getting to bed is hard sometimes.
This January was my second lowest January in terms of mileage in the last six years, but the first time in four years my mileage for January wasn't less than the last year. Even though I didn't run much this month, I am ok with that. My goals throughout the month was just easy running. I had hurt something in my right ankle mid December either running or at hockey and that seems to have gone away. So it's been a nice gentle start to the year. I stuck to running roads with very little elevation gain on purpose for the month.
February I plan on running a long run of between 50 km and 50 miles on the roads on Sunday coming up, the monday after is a holiday so if there is still very little snow I was planning on bushwacking through the sage brush in the hills by my house to mt mara, a very nice lookout point. Beyond that specific weekend plan the rest of February will be a slow restrained build on time/volume/elevation gain. Plan on tagging the radio towers near my house on daily runs, which is either a 200 or 500 metre elevation gain run, Aiming for around 250-300 kms in around 35-45 hours, and maybe around 2,000 metres elevation gain per week or so. I only have hockey three time in February, so that shouldn't interfere with running too much.
I stare out my window every day at Mt Peter waiting for it to look like it's ready to run. El Nino is leaving us with an early spring, if the melt keeps up I think I can get my first summit of Peter by February.
Monday, January 18, 2016
2016: Day 18
Running in the ever present darkness of winter feels like I"m running in the shadows. Like the mountains are out there, inaccessible, and I"m stuck down in the valley in their shadows just biding my time working myself up to the summer time when I can meet the mountains again. Sometimes it gets rough in the dark, but the thoughts of exciting futures always get you going again.
Saturday, January 16, 2016
2016: Day 16
Operation wake up before work and exercise is continuing to be a massive failure. Mornings are so hard in the winter.
I was planning to run long this morning, but it was snowing so instead I was lazy and sat on my couch watching soccer until it stopped snowing. Then I started running at 3:30, ran 44 km in 4:30. It was a rather hard run, I thought it would be nicer because it had stopped snowing, but apparently very few people got the memo today about shoveling the sidewalk, but it made for a real hard run which was a good workout. Hockey will be tough tomorrow. Tonight was my longest run since my DNF in September, and so far I"m at 87 km for the week and that will also be my longest weekly total since then as well. I won't hit 100 km, as I'm running short in the morning hopefully, and then hockey. No hockey next week (I think), so I should be able to get time to get up to 100 km and/or 10 hours next week.
I think starting in February hockey is scheduled for every Sunday, if I do go every week I think I'll skip practices when they happen. I need to remember to get to seeing a massage therapist on a regular basis again.
I was planning to run long this morning, but it was snowing so instead I was lazy and sat on my couch watching soccer until it stopped snowing. Then I started running at 3:30, ran 44 km in 4:30. It was a rather hard run, I thought it would be nicer because it had stopped snowing, but apparently very few people got the memo today about shoveling the sidewalk, but it made for a real hard run which was a good workout. Hockey will be tough tomorrow. Tonight was my longest run since my DNF in September, and so far I"m at 87 km for the week and that will also be my longest weekly total since then as well. I won't hit 100 km, as I'm running short in the morning hopefully, and then hockey. No hockey next week (I think), so I should be able to get time to get up to 100 km and/or 10 hours next week.
I think starting in February hockey is scheduled for every Sunday, if I do go every week I think I'll skip practices when they happen. I need to remember to get to seeing a massage therapist on a regular basis again.
Tuesday, January 12, 2016
2016: Day 12
I only ran once on Sat/Sun, although I played hockey and ran on Friday night. I was rather tired come Sunday.
I've failed at waking up to exercise both Monday and Tuesday this week. I think the fault mostly lies in that I'm not going to bed early enough to get up early and have slept while.
I still haven't made up my training log excel spreadsheet for the year, that might be awhile as i feel I need to update last years first. I fell off the wagon the last quarter of the year, I really had a difficult time getting motivated to run after I DNF'd at Lost Soul in September. My goal for December was to tray and get back into the habit of running, On my strava I recorded 22 days with exercise, not as much as I would hope, but way more than my 3 days of exercise in November. So progress.
I've failed at waking up to exercise both Monday and Tuesday this week. I think the fault mostly lies in that I'm not going to bed early enough to get up early and have slept while.
I still haven't made up my training log excel spreadsheet for the year, that might be awhile as i feel I need to update last years first. I fell off the wagon the last quarter of the year, I really had a difficult time getting motivated to run after I DNF'd at Lost Soul in September. My goal for December was to tray and get back into the habit of running, On my strava I recorded 22 days with exercise, not as much as I would hope, but way more than my 3 days of exercise in November. So progress.
Thursday, January 7, 2016
2016: Day 7
I planned on running in the morning before work, I was even nicely awake at the appropriate time. But then I went back to sleep. This isn't going well at all. I guess I'll try again next week, because tomorrow isn't happening as I already have to start work an hour early to leave for hockey early.
I ran 9.5 km last night, still snow to run in. No exercise today, I got home just tired from work. I've had to actually move at work this week, no sitting on my ass at my desk all day. Hockey Friday and Sunday, and I'll run twice on the weekend as well. I'm ok with that.
Super stoked to be planning on crewing and/or pacing for a friend at a long race in the summer again.
I ran 9.5 km last night, still snow to run in. No exercise today, I got home just tired from work. I've had to actually move at work this week, no sitting on my ass at my desk all day. Hockey Friday and Sunday, and I'll run twice on the weekend as well. I'm ok with that.
Super stoked to be planning on crewing and/or pacing for a friend at a long race in the summer again.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
2016: Day 5
I intended on getting up early to run before work, but when the clock went off and it was dark out I preferred the warm bed to the freezing cold outside. I managed to do some squats and pushups though, babysteps. The goal of trying to do some sort of exercise in the morning is a think it will help my metabolism go faster, and that's a good thing I think.
I ran 13.3 km on snowy sidewalks at night in 70 minutes. My right ankle area is hurting less. Still haven't decided why it got hurt, whether it was from hockey or from running.
More snow shovelling, yeah cross training!
I ran 13.3 km on snowy sidewalks at night in 70 minutes. My right ankle area is hurting less. Still haven't decided why it got hurt, whether it was from hockey or from running.
More snow shovelling, yeah cross training!
Monday, January 4, 2016
2016: Day 4
I mean to run in the morning today, but I slept horribly so I didn't. I ran at night on snow covered roads. The moments of zen were fleeting, and more present were the moments of unzenlike interaction with vehicles. Also, got in some sick cross-training via snow shoveling. Tomorrow I will try again at waking up to run before work.
New years resolutions are dumb, but I have decided to stop purchasing lunch from the catering truck that comes by, it's just a waste of money.
Today at work I was doing some tedious tasks and my mind wandered, and I was thinking about running the KVR trestle from Kelowna to Penticton. I think I could probably do an out and back, get my mom to meet me in Penticton, There is a camping site halfway where I could fill my water. Totally doable.
New years resolutions are dumb, but I have decided to stop purchasing lunch from the catering truck that comes by, it's just a waste of money.
Today at work I was doing some tedious tasks and my mind wandered, and I was thinking about running the KVR trestle from Kelowna to Penticton. I think I could probably do an out and back, get my mom to meet me in Penticton, There is a camping site halfway where I could fill my water. Totally doable.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
2016: Day 3
It's been about 15 months since I posted last, and I've decided to start posting again.
When I first started this blog it was because I needed a means to keep myself motivated to keep running towards what seemed like a monumental training goal at the time, but the main focus was to turn my life around. At the time, I needed running as a means to keep myself from addictions, and publicizing my journey (although few people read it) was a way to keep myself on track. I went on to finish my main goal race of 2010, and have been running ultras for 6 years now. I've successfully run a couple 100 mile races as well. But I find myself always never realizing my potential.
One of the reasons I stopped writing this blog was due to the reactions I got from people, I suppose more the reactions I had to other people reactions. Some peoples responses used to annoy me, but that's dumb.
The purpose of me writing here, hopefully most days, will be for me to have an outlet for my thoughts. Hopefully, writing things down will help me think through things better, help me stay focused. I would like to flesh out a training plan for the year. Right now I have fallen into sub optimal fitness for the second winter in a row. My goal for the next two weeks is to be active every day, no speed goals, or distance goals, just to be active.
When I first started this blog it was because I needed a means to keep myself motivated to keep running towards what seemed like a monumental training goal at the time, but the main focus was to turn my life around. At the time, I needed running as a means to keep myself from addictions, and publicizing my journey (although few people read it) was a way to keep myself on track. I went on to finish my main goal race of 2010, and have been running ultras for 6 years now. I've successfully run a couple 100 mile races as well. But I find myself always never realizing my potential.
One of the reasons I stopped writing this blog was due to the reactions I got from people, I suppose more the reactions I had to other people reactions. Some peoples responses used to annoy me, but that's dumb.
The purpose of me writing here, hopefully most days, will be for me to have an outlet for my thoughts. Hopefully, writing things down will help me think through things better, help me stay focused. I would like to flesh out a training plan for the year. Right now I have fallen into sub optimal fitness for the second winter in a row. My goal for the next two weeks is to be active every day, no speed goals, or distance goals, just to be active.
I just wasted 10 minutes watching buzzfeed videos because I wanted to watch the video I posted here.
I think I have a mild stress fracture on my lower right shin, it started hurting after hockey in mid December.
I think I have a mild stress fracture on my lower right shin, it started hurting after hockey in mid December.
Monday, September 1, 2014
Year in Review - On Sepember 1st
Just like in 2012 I shall think of September as the end of my race year, mostly because I'm unsatisfied with my years worth of races and want to mentally start over. What follows shall be a breakdown of the year, and an expression of my plan for the next year and how I shall succeed.
At the end of 2010, 2011, and 2012 I would write out my thoughts on the year and goals for the next year. These included thoughts on running, life and the combination of the two. I would put down my goals and laid out some sort of plan how I would accomplish this.
For the 2014 year I made no such effort. No plans were specified, no goals were expressed, and nothing was laid out. Not surprisingly I did not succeed at many of the races I entered in.
In 2013 I ran what felt like was a very good 100 mile race in march finishing in 19:57, and completed a 100 mile race in September finishing in 27:45. The September race included an injury that added a fair bit of time to my day, and I had enough other decent races, coupled with races that I could rationalize as good considering the level of sandbagging that went into them, and I felt like I was a strong runner. I thought at the time I had got myself as good as I could get, and so I searched out for a coach thinking that would take me to bigger and better things.
I had a rather un-enjoyable experience with online coaching. I stuck it out for a few months, but it left me disliking the concept of training and running in general. About six weeks before I attempted a 100 miler in March I was so displeased with my daily run that I took two weeks off from running.
The 100 miler in March was intened to be a redo of the previous year, except with a faster result. The reality was that I went in to it not enjoying my running, undertrained physically, and mentally not ready for any possibility that may come at me during race day. The race day was horrible weather and rather than toughing it out I gave up.
In February I ran a 50 km race that I had run the year before. I had hoped that I could do better, but basically hated every moment of the race. All I thought about was how much I wasn't enjoying the current training process I'd been on for the winter. Needless to say, the race was slower than the year before.
At the beginning of April I began doing more exploratory runs and started to get the joy back in my daily run. So I thought I would sign up for a local 50 km race for May. I had done the 25 km race of the same event the year before in 2:16 and thought I could surely beat 5 hours. I ran the race in 5:53 and felt like a load of garbage physically. At the end of 2013 I had signed up for the 120 mile race in August. After this 50 km race I decided I wasn't going to be ready to run 120 miles in August.
May/June continued along with me being purposely unplanned in my running as my way of rebelling against the disdain I felt for my winter experience. There was much exploration happening in the hills and it felt good - so I decided I would go for 120 miles after all in August. I signed up for a 50 mile race in late June, and a tough 60 km race in July and thought that would be good, all the while telling myself the 120 mile would be ok because I would just go slow, go for the finish and that's all. The race in June went great, I didn't break any records at all, but I started slow, paced well and finished strong with my mind on 120 miles.
At the race in July I decided to knee drop the top of the mountain - it blocked with a rock and I was busted open. I had a rather nice gash on my knee that needed stitches. This happened at 21 km. My body went into shock and my calf was covered in blood, I used the snow to clean my cut and tied a shirt around my knee, ran 8 km to get first aid, then finished the race (the race was shortened to 50 km).
I required stitches. I didn't run for two weeks. When I did start running it was only easy running, and it wasn't until a couple days before the 120 that I wasn't experiencing noticable pain while running. I didn't stretch my left leg once for the 4 weeks leading up to the 120.
During the 120 race everything was going great. At mile 68ish I was approximately 4-5 hours ahead of my time from two years ago.I was doing the best mental focus ever during the night portion of a race, it was just fantastic. Then I was running down a trail, stepped off the side with my right foot, slipped and fell on my left knee and re-opened the gash on my knee. I dropped out of the race at mile 73. Could I have finished the race? Perhaps. But my desire to do so and risk making an even uglier mess out of my knee wasn't that high.
I took another week completely off running, and signed up for a race on Aug 31. The race went not well, it felt like I had no energy in my legs. My knee had healed enough that I felt comfortable stretching it for the first time in ages, so after the race I stretched properly for the first time in 6 weeks.
I feel like I'm at the same point mentally and physically at this time in 2012. I've not done well in most of the races I did this year, just like 2012. And I'm feeling broken down just like I was at this time in 2012. I did a very good job building from this point to a relatively successful 2013 run year, so I will model my plan from here through next year in a similar fashion.
My dissatisfaction with my races this year is because I feel like I have not raced to my potential.
Why did it all go wrong? (random thoughts)
- The whole coaching thing through the winter of 12/13 made me not enjoy running, which lead to undertraining.
- I don't like being told what to do.
- I failed to make any solid plan for the year, or to make any specific goals.
- I stopped tracking my workouts, this lead to even further breakdown of planning.
- I didn't have fun with my training for most parts of the year.
- I use running as a means to exert control over myself, by relinquishing this control to another person (coach) it bothered me. I want to spend the time planning, and over analyzing my journey to figuring this ridiculous level of running out.
- This year even during the times when I was enjoying the running again, I wasn't working in enough runs that would help me improve athletically.
- I need to race seldom enough that I can plan in both the type of runs that will help me improve athletically as well as the 'adventure'ish runs that I enjoy.
Blah, Blah, Blah. I didn't enjoy my winter, which lead to not enough training, which lead to not being ready. I want to be able to reach my potential during races. I need to race seldom enough that I can fit in the type of random adventure runs I enjoy as well as have enough time to properly train for the races. I need to plan, "if you fail to plan you plan to fail". I stopped tracking my running after the 50 km race in February, I don't think it's a coincidence that I didn't recover from my winter of discontent and turn it around.
On to some goal making:
Races: I want to redo the March 100 miler, and the August 120 miler. I also want to do a mid summer shorter distance race.
List form goals:
1. Run the August 120 mile in under 36 hours
- or just finish the thing.
1b. If a friend wants me to help her do this race instead I will do a 100 miler in Lethbridge instead - goal of finishing under 22 hours
2. Run the march 100 mile in under 20 hours.
- or finish it feeling good
- or at least just finish it
3. Run a June 50 mile race in under 9 hours or better.
4. Run the same December 50 km race in under 4:45.
5. Run no other races during the year.
6. Volunteer at races.
7. Dont do drugs. Seemingly no longer needed, and yet still so necessary.
8. Dont drink and angry. Does that even make sense.
9. Be a better, politer automoton at work.
10. Tact.
11. Pray.
12. Other stuff.
A plan will be built shortly, the focus will be on duration, and effort levels for each run. I will plan proper rest after races and I will allow time for random runs into my calender.
At the end of 2010, 2011, and 2012 I would write out my thoughts on the year and goals for the next year. These included thoughts on running, life and the combination of the two. I would put down my goals and laid out some sort of plan how I would accomplish this.
For the 2014 year I made no such effort. No plans were specified, no goals were expressed, and nothing was laid out. Not surprisingly I did not succeed at many of the races I entered in.
In 2013 I ran what felt like was a very good 100 mile race in march finishing in 19:57, and completed a 100 mile race in September finishing in 27:45. The September race included an injury that added a fair bit of time to my day, and I had enough other decent races, coupled with races that I could rationalize as good considering the level of sandbagging that went into them, and I felt like I was a strong runner. I thought at the time I had got myself as good as I could get, and so I searched out for a coach thinking that would take me to bigger and better things.
I had a rather un-enjoyable experience with online coaching. I stuck it out for a few months, but it left me disliking the concept of training and running in general. About six weeks before I attempted a 100 miler in March I was so displeased with my daily run that I took two weeks off from running.
The 100 miler in March was intened to be a redo of the previous year, except with a faster result. The reality was that I went in to it not enjoying my running, undertrained physically, and mentally not ready for any possibility that may come at me during race day. The race day was horrible weather and rather than toughing it out I gave up.
In February I ran a 50 km race that I had run the year before. I had hoped that I could do better, but basically hated every moment of the race. All I thought about was how much I wasn't enjoying the current training process I'd been on for the winter. Needless to say, the race was slower than the year before.
At the beginning of April I began doing more exploratory runs and started to get the joy back in my daily run. So I thought I would sign up for a local 50 km race for May. I had done the 25 km race of the same event the year before in 2:16 and thought I could surely beat 5 hours. I ran the race in 5:53 and felt like a load of garbage physically. At the end of 2013 I had signed up for the 120 mile race in August. After this 50 km race I decided I wasn't going to be ready to run 120 miles in August.
May/June continued along with me being purposely unplanned in my running as my way of rebelling against the disdain I felt for my winter experience. There was much exploration happening in the hills and it felt good - so I decided I would go for 120 miles after all in August. I signed up for a 50 mile race in late June, and a tough 60 km race in July and thought that would be good, all the while telling myself the 120 mile would be ok because I would just go slow, go for the finish and that's all. The race in June went great, I didn't break any records at all, but I started slow, paced well and finished strong with my mind on 120 miles.
At the race in July I decided to knee drop the top of the mountain - it blocked with a rock and I was busted open. I had a rather nice gash on my knee that needed stitches. This happened at 21 km. My body went into shock and my calf was covered in blood, I used the snow to clean my cut and tied a shirt around my knee, ran 8 km to get first aid, then finished the race (the race was shortened to 50 km).
I required stitches. I didn't run for two weeks. When I did start running it was only easy running, and it wasn't until a couple days before the 120 that I wasn't experiencing noticable pain while running. I didn't stretch my left leg once for the 4 weeks leading up to the 120.
During the 120 race everything was going great. At mile 68ish I was approximately 4-5 hours ahead of my time from two years ago.I was doing the best mental focus ever during the night portion of a race, it was just fantastic. Then I was running down a trail, stepped off the side with my right foot, slipped and fell on my left knee and re-opened the gash on my knee. I dropped out of the race at mile 73. Could I have finished the race? Perhaps. But my desire to do so and risk making an even uglier mess out of my knee wasn't that high.
I took another week completely off running, and signed up for a race on Aug 31. The race went not well, it felt like I had no energy in my legs. My knee had healed enough that I felt comfortable stretching it for the first time in ages, so after the race I stretched properly for the first time in 6 weeks.
I feel like I'm at the same point mentally and physically at this time in 2012. I've not done well in most of the races I did this year, just like 2012. And I'm feeling broken down just like I was at this time in 2012. I did a very good job building from this point to a relatively successful 2013 run year, so I will model my plan from here through next year in a similar fashion.
My dissatisfaction with my races this year is because I feel like I have not raced to my potential.
Why did it all go wrong? (random thoughts)
- The whole coaching thing through the winter of 12/13 made me not enjoy running, which lead to undertraining.
- I don't like being told what to do.
- I failed to make any solid plan for the year, or to make any specific goals.
- I stopped tracking my workouts, this lead to even further breakdown of planning.
- I didn't have fun with my training for most parts of the year.
- I use running as a means to exert control over myself, by relinquishing this control to another person (coach) it bothered me. I want to spend the time planning, and over analyzing my journey to figuring this ridiculous level of running out.
- This year even during the times when I was enjoying the running again, I wasn't working in enough runs that would help me improve athletically.
- I need to race seldom enough that I can plan in both the type of runs that will help me improve athletically as well as the 'adventure'ish runs that I enjoy.
Blah, Blah, Blah. I didn't enjoy my winter, which lead to not enough training, which lead to not being ready. I want to be able to reach my potential during races. I need to race seldom enough that I can fit in the type of random adventure runs I enjoy as well as have enough time to properly train for the races. I need to plan, "if you fail to plan you plan to fail". I stopped tracking my running after the 50 km race in February, I don't think it's a coincidence that I didn't recover from my winter of discontent and turn it around.
On to some goal making:
Races: I want to redo the March 100 miler, and the August 120 miler. I also want to do a mid summer shorter distance race.
List form goals:
1. Run the August 120 mile in under 36 hours
- or just finish the thing.
1b. If a friend wants me to help her do this race instead I will do a 100 miler in Lethbridge instead - goal of finishing under 22 hours
2. Run the march 100 mile in under 20 hours.
- or finish it feeling good
- or at least just finish it
3. Run a June 50 mile race in under 9 hours or better.
4. Run the same December 50 km race in under 4:45.
5. Run no other races during the year.
6. Volunteer at races.
7. Dont do drugs. Seemingly no longer needed, and yet still so necessary.
8. Dont drink and angry. Does that even make sense.
9. Be a better, politer automoton at work.
10. Tact.
11. Pray.
12. Other stuff.
A plan will be built shortly, the focus will be on duration, and effort levels for each run. I will plan proper rest after races and I will allow time for random runs into my calender.
Monday, February 3, 2014
State of mind thoughts.
i intended on writing down some deep thoughts about how stain of mind affects race performance, but the thoughts seem to have left me
Sunday, October 20, 2013
durka durka durka
I felt like writing, instead I sat up reading for an hour. I've been sick for a few days. I went to a gwar concert the weekend prior. Drank too much and treated the old body so poorly I got sick... or it was just a coincidence.
Within a week of running my last race I had constructed a race plan for next year in my head that included only races 50 km or less. Well, before taking a mini vacation and getting sick I was starting to get back at running finally, and the thoughts are turning back to 100's. If I have the plan for the year outlined at the start I can do a better job of training and rolling from one event to the next? I think so.
I mostly never get bothered by my asthma until I get a cold, then as the cold fades asthma symptoms linger. Dislike. Ventolin inhaler: makes it so you can breathe normal, but makes the tremors come.
I think I will do Badger Mountain in March and Plain in September. Specifically I think the schedule is fixing up to be something like this 50 k race in early Feb, 100 mile late march, 50 km early May, 100 km late june. 50 km mid august, 100 mile mid sept. Race less other races than I did in 2013, and don't do a few less intense training runs (keep the races as the most difficult runs) and I should have the energy to roll from one race to the next.
I was thinking about getting some sort of coach situation set up, accountability and all that. We shall see.
Within a week of running my last race I had constructed a race plan for next year in my head that included only races 50 km or less. Well, before taking a mini vacation and getting sick I was starting to get back at running finally, and the thoughts are turning back to 100's. If I have the plan for the year outlined at the start I can do a better job of training and rolling from one event to the next? I think so.
I mostly never get bothered by my asthma until I get a cold, then as the cold fades asthma symptoms linger. Dislike. Ventolin inhaler: makes it so you can breathe normal, but makes the tremors come.
I think I will do Badger Mountain in March and Plain in September. Specifically I think the schedule is fixing up to be something like this 50 k race in early Feb, 100 mile late march, 50 km early May, 100 km late june. 50 km mid august, 100 mile mid sept. Race less other races than I did in 2013, and don't do a few less intense training runs (keep the races as the most difficult runs) and I should have the energy to roll from one race to the next.
I was thinking about getting some sort of coach situation set up, accountability and all that. We shall see.
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