Ramblings

pre-edit: this is probably confusing, any maybe considering how I often omit certain details that make ramblings make sense, it may make very little sense, but I feel like writing.

You know how all over the internet, facebook in particular, you see those memes sort of inspirational pictures with quotes written over them. I always seem to find them less than inspiring. In fact, I seem to find them completely contrary to the way I need to think in order to feel like I'm acting like a good person.

One phrase I find particularly confusing: "It's not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself". Now, as I typically subscribe/like to lots of ultra running related things on facebook I have seen several varients of this meme from running sites. I assume I, the reader, am meant to feel like running in mountains is an activity that can be used to turn myself into something. As though I can become something better, from this it would seem that philosophically speaking I must first buy into the idea that we as people have any semblence of control over who we are, and if we did that we could change it. Neither of these last two statements do I believe to be true. I don't want to try and pin down any sort of science on a specific age, but surely it can be understood that our thoughts and beliefs are quite solidly formed by the time we are an adult, from both genetics, and from the way we are raised.

The idea that we can create ourself also seems to imply a desire to be able to control ourselves. This is understandable in todays western society where there is the pervailing feeling that an individual can not affect any real sort of change, so of course it would be attractive to be told that you can control something (yourself). The fact that ultra running groups are using this quote is even less surprising. The idea that ultra runners choose to run in the mountains because they are wanting an escape suggests they are not enjoying the society we live in, which is rather opressive (or some would say) so perhaps they feel by running and 'connecting with nature' they are able to exert more control, and create themselves, rather than accepting the fact that society exerts creative forces upon them.

It may be just me, but I find when you exert control on something (even yourself) and creating is an act of control, you never do as good as when you accept instead. the quote for me would better read "it's not about creating yourself, it's about finding and accepting yourself". Consistently I have found in life that failure occurs when I attempt to control and create myself. To do this one requires a certain high internal locus of control, again, only leading to failure.

All my life I attempted to control, only yielding negative results. When I made the conscious decision to turn my life over to the will of another, things started to turn around. Waking up everyday with the request in prayer "to be shown how to act in accordance with anothers will" and to ask especially "for freedom from self-will".

So, for me, it's most definitely not about creating myself. It is about finding and accepting myself, and letting myself be guiding by another in a positive way.

"thy will be done - not mine" is the path to the best life. To do this I think it best to accept the hands I've been dealt and embrace them.

I'm not sure if any of this made sense, probably over thinking, and really don't know if any of this made sense. I wish I could type as fast as I think.