Thoughts on 2012; Goals for 2013

It seems to be the time of year where I should be looking back and analyzing. Have to do it now as the world's going to end on December 21st and all that. And considering I'm already 6 weeks in on my 23 week plan leading up to my next race it seems like a good time to make some goals for next year. Well, it would be better to say that I am cementing in print my plans for next year as I feel these goals were made upon my inability to attain goals in 2012.

Here''s to looking at 2012:

My race results:

March 10: Dirty Duo 50 km; 5:08:43
April 1: Okanagan College half marathon (road); 1:28:52
May 12: Elk/Beaver 100 km; DNF at 50 km; 4:29:16
June 23: Scorched Sole 50 mile; 9:48:50
July 7: Sinister 7 148 km; DNF at 87 km; 13:30:00
July 15: Midsummer 8 km (road); 32:05
July 28: White River 50 mile; 9:31:37
August 18: Fat Dog 120 mile; DNF at 75 miles; 25:25:00
September 2: Walk in the Park 54 km; 6:37:00
September 23: Dirty Feet Trail 21 km; 1:59:30
September 30: Kenna quarter XC 10.6 km; 53:02
October 21: Larrry Nicholas XC 9 km; 39:55
October 30: Kal Park XC 9.5 km; 44:08

13 races, and only one that I feel like I am able to say I ran my best on that day, the road half marathon. Look at it simply I should be rather disapointed, I fancy myself a trail runner, an ultra runner and I don't have one ultra race from 2012 that I feel represents my athletic potential. However, even though at the end of 2011 I expressed certain goals and probably other times since I probably expressed time-specific goals for races, that really wasn't the main goal. Running was very much secondary to mental pursuits for the year. As you  can read here and here and I think I came to understanding on what sort of races I need here In 2011 I wasn't able to run as much during the summer while working, this year I fixed that and learned how to make running a habit even while busy. Realistically, I failed in finishing my big races because my mental goals were to learn to relax (very much simplifying) which is contradictory to the mental processes required to fight through a tough race and my main focus was often elsewhere, and as well I was often to busy doing silly running things having fun that negatively impacted my ability to run my best race.

OC half marathon: Why did I do good? Unlike the rest of the year I didn't jam too much into the build up of that race. And the fact that I had a friendly bet with a couple friends on who would finish first amongst us. I finished 15th, and they finished 12th and 13th. We all dropped at least 8 minutes from our previous best times at that distance, it was a rousing super fun success.

Elk/beaver: wrote about it here Was bored out of my mind during the race, didn't feel like doing it. Although leading up to the race I was doing some fantastic running at home.

Scorched sole: wrote about it here Ran the race intending it to be a good final long run before sinister 7. In retrospect I think this was a bad idea. I feel like this race was good in the sense that I feel good that I could run a sub 10 hour 50 mile trail run, without feeling like I pushed too hard which is neat, but I feel like having said that I definitely can't say this represents what I was fully capable on that day as I was holding back, and to top all that off I feel like it affected my race at sinister. But still, it was a super fun day with great folks and I'm glad I did it.

Sinister 7: wrote about it here and here It was hot and hard. The trails weren't as enjoyable as I'd hoped, and when it came down to it even though I feel I could have finished within the cutoff time, but didn't feel like putting myself through the pain and hurt that would be needed to get there. Perhaps I wasn't trained well enough,  perhaps I didn't train in such a way to build my mental fortitude, or perhaps I just wasn't in the state of mind needed to finish. Again, don't feel like this race result showed my athletic potential.

midsummer 8 km race: it was amusing. I was 5 seconds off my pre race arbitrary goal of running 4 min/km pace the whole race. Finished 15th after encouraging a young kid to kick my ass the last 1/2 km. this race was only a week after sinister, so again, even though I felt pleased with the race, I don't feel like it represents me athletically.

white river: the week before white river I did 10 hours of running and 6 hour of biking. The running included summiting two local mountains, two speed work sessions, and the bike was all at tempo. Wrote about the race here during the race I had trouble mentally with pushing through, just looked at it as a fun run out for the day. Again, don't feel as though it represented my athletic ability.

fat dog: wrote about it here How did I mess this race up? The time between white river and fat dog was spent travelling through the usa living on a bus while doing it. Didn't run once between the two races. I think that's taking tapering too far, and I think it may have helped lead to the injury I got during the race itself. Deciding while staring out at the grand canyon that you want to change your plans, isn't enough to make it a workable plan. Again, don't think this represents my athletic ability.

walk in the park: wrote about it here What went wrong? Well I was injured during the race and I shouldn't have run it. I lived off painkillers during the race, and I wonder if the passing of a family member the day before affected my mindframe. Again, definitely not wanting this to be considered a representation of my athletic potential.

the rest: slowly recover my fitness.

Goals for 2012 as written here

1. Finish degree.
2. Kick as much ass as possible in the running races I have planned, and the ones I register in.
3. Never drink so much that I get drunk. (This one may or may not get changed to something along the lines of 'only drink to the point of drunkeness on nights before days off work, that are also rest days from runs and limited to once a month) we shall see.
4. Volunteer at some races.
5. Have another year that is drug free.
6. Buy a piano.
7. Be more diligant in my 'daily practise'
8. Do some other stuff.
9. ________________________
10. ________________________

Hmm: Let's see

1. Check. Done! And I got a job that uses my degree too, started October 1st. Had to move to a new town, and I think it's going good.
2. Ha. Not so much. This seems to be one of the goals that wasn't properly fleshed out, because other things in life took precedence.
3. This didn't happen, but I'm okay with that. I was probably drunk a handful of times (that takes only two drinks haha), and other than that maybe had less than a handful of drinks. I wasn't rude while drunk, didn't get into trouble, and never drank out of anger.
4. Yep. And I crewed for friends at an ultra for the first time, that was good.
5. Yup. Not once, win.
6. Ha, no. And I definitely won't any time soon. Student loans will be the death of my financial leasure.
7. This goal probably only made it on their after reading this which seemed like a good idea. Yes, I read books like my AA books and my school books regularly, but not daily. Yes, I pray, but not daily. And yes I make an effort to be a good person, but I am not as diligent as I intended with that goal.
8. I guess so. I quit my crappy job cooking and went on my first holiday in years. Probably didn't make the best financial choices with that as being unemployed for 3 months hit hard financially. And I made the decision to use my degree look for a job, which wasn't a simple life decision as I truly was pondering being an unemployed wandering nomad. So I feel like making that mental shift was no small feat. "Why bother?" has always been a question that haunts. I still don't have the answer, but I've decided to try and be a productive member of society, just because. And when I figure out why, I'll be in a much better positiont to do something about it than if I hadn't tried up to that point. And I might as well run in the mean time.

How about some running stats?

2010:
 Ran 2.045 km and biked 1,243 km
2011:
Ran 2,043 km and biked 488 km
2012: (estimating Dec totals based on training plan)
Ran 3,300 and biked 860 km.

At the beginning of the year I started running in a group clinic. This clinic was twice a week, and the reason I signed up was because the previous year I had lots of struggles running through the summer while working full time. I needed to engage myself with others and be forced to plan my run to try and make a habit of running even while busy. If I wasn't sick or injured or on holidays I never ran less than four times per week. Through this group I met some wonderful people, made some great friends, and learned to be way more consistent in my running. This was very good.

Was I mentally in the right place to attempt to run the long races? I'm not sure, I made a distinct effort to be less aggressive and more passive, perhaps taking this too far. I feel this affected my races. And my goal was just to have fun, which when it comes down to it when the going gets tough it makes it easier to drop in a race, which I did.

Was I fit enough to run in the long races I attempted? I think so. I think maybe I really haven't been doing this running thing long enough to attempt these sorts of races. October 2008 I ran my first road marathon. I weight 180 pounds, and was horribly unhappy in a crappy relationship. I finished that race in five hours and 15 minutes (5:14:49). When I was a youth I was never any sort of elite athlete. Yeah I played hockey as a kid, never played on the rep team as my parents said it was to expensive if I made the team, I was a house league goon and past the age of 13 it was only ever about messing around with friends. Sure I played baseball for awhile, even made a few select teams. But my angst ridden years from 13 - (two years ago) where more interested in destroying my body than with athletics. I've only being doing good running since 2009. That's only four years, maybe my excitement for enjoying this sport has got the best of my realistic analysis of my abilities. Having said that, goals for 2013 will still be big.

Overall it was a pretty fantastic year. I may not have had a great year of races, but I had a great year of running. I have become much more consistent in my training. I am a much stronger and faster runner than before. And outside of running it wasn't so bad either.

Race goals for 2013:
- Finish a 100 mile race. This is the main focus, and the big goal. No time goal, although if I'm successful in finishing, I'll probably end up with a decent time.
- Run so hard in my one planned 50 mile race that I feel completely destroyed after, like I've dug down into the recesses of  my mind and used every mental resource possible and left my soul empty as a result. Just giving it absolutely everything.

Specific race plan:
- 100 mile trail race in late march in southeast washington state (although I won't register until mid January as I want to be sure I'm able to get in proper training during the winter months) and if I don't end up registering for this I may alter this to be an April/May/June race instead. But I want to do this race
- 50 mile scorched sole trail race in Kelowna, late July. The race is back at Little White mountain for 2013, it's going to be awesome.
- 100 mile trail race in early September. I have my eye on dong a race in Lethbridge. Won't register until May as I've been told that the 100 miler doesn't fill up.

How am I going to be successful in 2013 as opposed to 2012? Well, I feel like I've transitioned from having an attitude of carefree goals in running that are loosely defined to having fun and being more consistent to having a drive to finish a task that baffled me last year, and to do all that is required to get that. Also, one more year of good running under my belt will surely help. Specifically, I have made a plan leading up to the first race that I think is good. I will train smarter. Run slower during my long runs, having more variety during the rest of my weekly runs, doing my best to train on trails that resemble the race conditions of the next race. I will only race in three races in 2013. Everything will build to these races, and I will do nothing that varies excessively from the training plan. I want to have races that I can say "this is my best, this was as good as I could do, I put my entire soul and body into that day". If I need to get a fix of mingling with other ultra folk beyond that, I shall volunteer at other local events. I will train harder, so that I may build my mental strength. I will run longer weekly long runs so that I may endeavour to have more possibilities during training to come into hard mental spots, so that I may have more opportunities to prepare for the dark spots that may (will) come during a long race. I will do a better job doing pre-race mental prep for my races.

I have prepared a plan for the remainder of the year, and for the time building up to the next race. The focus is not on distance (although surely I'll end up running a long way) but on duration and effort.

2012 Log and Plan

2013 Log and Plan

Goals in list form:

1. Finish a 100 mile trail race;
1b. Finish in a time under 24 hours.
2. Kick ass at the 50 mile scorched sole race.
2b. Knowing the approximate route, kick ass is hoping for under 8.5 hours.
3. Volunteer at other ultras.
4. Crew for a friend at an ultra at least once.
5. Volunteer at other local races.
6. Stay at my job, be a diligent Monday to Friday automoton worker. Play the game of being a 'productive member of society"
7. Don't do drugs ever.
8. Drinking: if I drink, I shall never drink while angry. And if I drink, I shall never do anything illegal or say anything reprehensible. And I shall never get drunk more than 10 times in the year (very realistic), and I shall never put myself in an environment where I am not fully comfortable with the alcohol level.
9. Figure out something or somewhere to fit some sort of volunteering that doesn't revolve around running into my time.
10. Pray, be thankful, and always remember that if I am to hope for others to treat me well, I must always treat others well, and that if I have any hope that people will do right by me I must always unquestioningly do well of others no matter the situation. Being positive is the only way to try and live, and I shall try do so, for no other reason that I don't know why I've managed to make it to this point without self destructing, so I might as well try and be better. There must be a reason I'm still here.