Saturday I went 'running' in Okanagan Mountain Park. I had it in my mind that I was going to do this run, I've been feeling a little cabin feverish and wanted to get somewhere big. I've never run to the summit of the mountain earlier than mid May before. So deep down I knew that it was going to be a rough trip. I planned my route knowing that if I ran Wildhorse Canyon around the park first then by the time I hit the snow line which I thought would be there I would feel too committed to turn around. Up Divide Lake trail is only about 12 km to the summit, but but around Wildhorse Canyon and up one of the other trails is about 30 km. So I went that way. The trails in Wildhorse Canyone are never easy to begin with. Up to Commando Bay is always decent, but I felt like being a pansy and trying to avoid the puddles, which of course there was a lot as it's run-off time. Why I bothered when I knew I would be heading into wet snow, I don't know.
After you head up from the Commando Bay trail intersection further into Wildhorse Canyon the trail turns real tough. The few people that go to Commando Bay, seem to rarely go past there so the trail isn't well travelled. There is a lot of growth on the trails, like prickly bushes, large bushes that are growing onto the trail, etc. I wasn't wearing leggings, so my legs were taking a beating. By the time I made it to the turn off to Frederick creek trail my lower legs looked like they had been in a fight with an angry cat, which at that point wasn't too bad.
I really like Frederick Creek trail, it's a lot more beautiful coming down than it is going up. But still, there is always time to turn back and appreciate the view of Penticton from the mountain in Kelowna. Something about being able to see the little town from afar while I'm running, it's so far (well 67 km by road, which is actually not that far relative to distances I can run) but it seems so closer. Perhaps this is why I like running in this mountain so much, I feel connected to so many different times of my life in there.
It started hailing half way up Frederick creek trail, I don't know what it is exactly but the last two Saturdays I've run to snow height, and run while fresh snow was falling, and I've really enjoyed it. Running in the snow as opposed to running while it's snowing is a much different story. Almost immediately after hitting the snowline it went from nothing to there being deep snow, knee deep snow. At the start it was still solid enough that I wouldn't fall through the snow. But very soon after I was falling through every few steps. This part of the mountain is where a forest fire was a decade ago, and there is always lots of dead trees fallen over the trails. So when you fall through you risk hitting trees hidden below. But thankfully the snow was soft enough that you could read the flow of it and see where there was likely a tree underneath. Another tricky aspect of the route is that there is not much trail markers on the trail, there is orange triangular reflectors about a square inch in sized nailed to trees every hundred metres or so. The problem is that I think these are rather old, and half of the trees that had reflectors nailed to them have fallen over, so when the marker is under the snow .... I've never ascended the mountain from the trail before, always coming down this way usually. So thankfully I knew where I was going, and when I couldn't see markers I ended up just bushwacking towards the radio tower. Popping up and down as I broke through the snow my shins got very cold, and the welts that I had got from the previous attacks of bushes earlier in the day were now turned into a bleeding mess as the skin had gotten cold and easier to break. The last five kilometres to the summit were rough. Once I hit the summit I descended via Divide Lake Trail which is essentially a service road, so even though there was snow for a ways down, I could finally stretch out the legs as I knew there was nothing dangerous under the snow.
It took me seven hours to move forty three kilometres. And I felt so spent after, but it felt so rewarding. I'm not sure how much benefit a day like this has for me in terms of training. My ankles were swollen, cuts all over my shins, ankles felt awful, quadriceps were just screaming in pain from the up and downs through the deep snow.
Tangent.....
I really enjoy reading the blog/social media of the write James Altucher. This was on his social media page.
"HOW TO GET RICH, LESSON NUMBER TWO - THE PUSH
Rob told me JB was dead. JB was my best friend growing up. We sat next to each other on the bus. After school we'd play ping pong or pinball or monopoly or ride bikes.
Every single day we did this for eight years. Then we drifted apart.
Rob said, The last time I spoke to him he sounded like a ghost.
It was like there was nothing there, Rob said.
I hadn't seen JB in 20 years.
He dropped out of college, Rob said, and never really had a job. His parents gave him money to live. He didn't want to do anything.
He changed his phone number every few weeks, Rob said. So he was hard to keep in touch with.
I didn't understand. Why did he change his number every few weeks?
He'd meet a girl, and then a few weeks later he'd get tired of her but not want to deal with it. He'd change his number so the girl couldn't reach him, Rob said. And he moved a lot.
He had no Facebook page, no internet presence, it was hard to track him down, Rob said.
And it's true. I had never found him on the Internet.
JB hurt his leg a few years ago, Rob said, and had no insurance because he never had a job. So got addicted to painkillers.
He was into the drug scene, Rob said.
So no job, drifting phone numbers, a hazy identity, drug, nerve damage, pain killers.
One day he never woke up, Rob said.
He was 39.
I don't feel sad about this. People die. I haven't seen him since we were 18 and on graduation day.
But I wonder about one thing Rob said.
"He was like a ghost the last time I spoke with him."
We know when the body and mind are giving up. We know when spirit is exhausted. When the emotions don't care.
He never had anything he wanted to do, Rob said.
Is that all it is? Do we just need something to do? Something that we want to scratch just a tiny bit so we continue one more day?
We don't have to save the world. Or invent warm ice. Or time travel. Or even have a passion or a purpose.
When I was dead broke and crying I wanted to die just so my kids could have my life insurance policy. What got me to get up and go again?
And then later, when it happened again. And then again.
Why didn't JB do that?
I call it "the push".
You're riding the bicycle up the hill all the time in life. Everything in life wants you to decay. To be subjugated. To be violated. To be tired. To become a ghost.
To roll back down the hill just when you thought you were close to the top.
It's fucking tiring to live.
What can give us THE PUSH?
I don't know.
For me, today, it's just this post. Some days, it's to see my 11 year old smile. Sometimes, I just want to take a walk. Or help Claudia. Or do something fun and creative.
What's your PUSH today?
A little bit, every day, compounds.
A little push today turns into a big life tomorrow.
My one requirement: I have to give something. I have to enjoy it.
Else, it's too draining. It's a shit stain. I slip back on the hill.
A deep breath. You can do it, I tell myself. One more turn of the pedals. THE PUSH! Get over the hill!
I want to live."
He always writes about things that make me go hmmm, and I seem to stumble upon his writing at times where my mind is particularly malleable. Right now for me, running is my 'push'. I'm aware that I may be neglecting other possible areas of growth in my life, but right now running is what pushes me. However, I feel like I want to better direct my push than just rambling in the mountains, I want to maintain a directed push (I may just be extending the usage of that word too far).
Last week I barely made it out the door for a Sunday run, yes I did five hours of running the day before, but I missed an opportunity by not running Sunday. Today, Sunday, I didn't run again. Yes, I was out seven hours Saturday but again I missed an opportunity to run today. Even if I had just run an hour, it would have been better than nothing. But I didn't. Which leads me to cheesy tangent number two.
Success. How to get it? The guy in this video tells a story of a young man asking a successful man how to be as successful as him. The mentor tells the young man to meet him at the beach, they go there and the young man is told to walk into the water. They get to waist level and the young man doesn't understand, what's the point. Eventually they go so deep that the water is so high that the young man is having trouble breathing because the water is so deep. What does this have to do with success? You have to want to be successful so badly that it's more important than breathing (that's a real truncated version) unless you are willing to sacrifice things and treat getting what you want as more important than breathing, you're not going to be successful.
Sitting at home being a lazy bum on Sunday won't get me to success.
At the beginning of the year I laid out a plan that included a March race, a June race, and a yet to be determined September race. One of the reasons I was successful in my race in March was because I didn't sacrifice my training plan for that large goal race by altering the plan to meet the needs of other races that I had entered in between. I had already signed up for a race in May, and now I signed up for a second race in May. And this is already meaning I must alter the training plan to get to the June race. Next year I will stick to the plan of three to four race in a year, I will plan them all by December and will stick to that plan. I had been starting to get sucked into the idea of running a local marathon in July. No, I will not do that. Sure it would be fun, and I am curious about where I stand in terms of road marathon times. But that is not the goal, the goals are long distance ultra marathons and if I have only have eleven weeks between a 100 km race and a 100 mile race jamming a non goal race right in the middle is not going to be helpful.
I had slept in my van at the trail head of Okanagan Mountain Park, it was beautiful of course waking up to the sounds of birds chirping and a view of Okanagan Lake. I had planned on finding somewhere to shower after the run, and then camping somewhere near kelowna and picking another nice local run, I should have done that and even if I was sore taken just an easy run. But I took a lazy out and bailed.
Since my last race I've started going to the gym once a week, and been trying to make sure to do another non-running exercise at least once a week. Also, I've decided that my 'rest' weeks will now be taken up to a minimum of nine hours of running, and at least ten and a half hours of total exercise. Arbitrary numbers, but they are larger arbitrary numbers than previous. I may be better than before, but I want to be better still.
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